This Happy Abnormal Life

Funny, most folks want the perfect family, with the 2.5 kids (side note: how does one have 2.5 kids…is mom perpetually pregnant with that last one?), suburban home in a middle class cul-de-sac neighborhood, cush 9-5 job, and those little sweaters that tie around the shoulders or waist.

Not this chica!

A life like that would be a nightmare for us!

With 2.5 children, we’d have Mr. Michael and Mr. Kevin, but no Miss Jess.  The suburban home in the cul-de-sac would more than likely not be “home” without the hunting dog, john boat, storage shed full of fishing gear, the trapping equipment showing, and the clothes line taking up most of the back yard.  Many neighborhoods wouldn’t allow that.  Or the old red S-10 that’s been banged up and totalled out 2x (one by a drunk driver in front of our house in the middle of the night while we slept–it was very interesting when the police came at 2am to tell us about it and show us what happened) and smelling like animals expired in the truck bed under the topper.  Those would be the trapping lures.

No, life wouldn’t be right if it weren’t “abnormal”.

If we had a “normal” life, we wouldn’t have a 20 pound gray tabby girl named Heifer, who answers to “Moo”.  And, we wouldn’t have Miss Jess writing in her school work that her favorite pet is Heifer, with the teacher putting tons of question marks behind it. 🙂  Guess the school thinks we have a cow in the backyard or something.  We also wouldn’t have a rescued little Blue Russian kitten who has grown like a patch of weeds, who has an official name of “Shadow”, but will only answer to “Little Fart”.  Or “You Stupid Cat” (used only when she decides to purr and the rip roar through the house and climb the ceiling via curtains or blinds or us.)  Or, we wouldn’t have an indoor/outdoor kitty named Stripey, aka “the Flop” and “the Fuzzinator”.  She’s a beautifully loving Ragamuffin blend, extremely friendly and totally attached to the family, who was abandoned by the previous tenants to this house…similar to Shadow’s story (she was abandoned by neighbors a couple houses down when they moved away, and they left her INSIDE the house, and the home’s owners found her 3 days later and she shot outside and to our back yard…she’s been here ever since and is asleep on top of the couch).  Stripey is “the Flop” for her tendency to just flop over and demand attention anytime anywhere.  She is also our law enforcer in the yard and house…the Terminator at the kitty level.

Hubby has even concocted whole life stories for them.  He has Heifer as the gambling addict who’s also addicted to menthol lotion (think green Goldbond).  She’s been to Lotion’s Anonymous and feel off the wagon too many times.  Lately she’s been more diligent in her LA and not licked any Goldbond.  Stripey is her bookee, who is owed tons of money, and keeps a quarter and a knife on the porch.  (Not sure why the quarter’s out there, but the knife is a paring knife that seems to come in handy a lot outside).  From what hubby says, Stripey has been hired as the “hit cat” by Heifer’s gambling buddies, and the quarter is a down payment, and for the rest she’s come in and infiltrated the family and gained access to the most important thing in Heifer’s life–the food bowl.  Shadow has come to us for training for her upcoming role as the Russian 2 in another version of the Cats and Dogs movie.  She’s not allowed to have all the weapons yet tho, so she just uses her claws.  Heifer tries to get her to sit down to a hand of cards, Stripey teaches her the art of attack, and Shadow has perfected the cute look.

Would a normal house have that? 🙂

No…life here wouldn’t be right if it was “normal”.

Normal families probably don’t have children with pretend friends by the millions.  For us, they are the Uggs.  They have their own planet, with Ugg-mobiles, and pack the house daily.  We never see them but Mr. Michael has them as friends.  Miss Jess, not to be beaten by her older brother, has Ugg-ettes.

Ah…normalcy…not in this house!!!!